If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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