do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
