Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
