you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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