Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hippo gnu deer
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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