he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am available for nakedness
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
