my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
