drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
