I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
