"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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