forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize
