he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
