were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
