I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
