The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
