do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were trust falling into bushes
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
