I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
