im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
