you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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