Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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