Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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