I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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