Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
