after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
