I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
