I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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