So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
