we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
