it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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