I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
