I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
