Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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