brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
