when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
