i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
