So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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