i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
