How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
