i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
