I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
