I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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