So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
