I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
