they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
