There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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