We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
