This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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