it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
