Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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