im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
