Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
